i ghost the people i care most about

By Laura Gao • 3 min read
April 2023

i hate the irony where you ghost the people u care about. so rn i have like 6 new insta dms and like 59 on discord, then michal just emailed me asking to read his blog post and chat (he actually first emailed last week but I DIDNT SEE IT). maybe half of these ppl i want to hold a long convo with, catch up since i last saw her a year ago, hit him up on the offer to travel around europe tgt, show her that i reciprocate her thoughtful response and write sth back thats interesting. alvin you typed out 3 paragraphs abt penn entrepreneurship for me and now i feel the spark in the air again when i was 13 and wanted to make sth real in the world and now maybe if i go to penn it can happen! junzhi dming to ask why im stressed abt course selections, holding my virtual hand thru my paranoid explanations. andrews toronto jokes ahaha. these penn 26ers that made the server warm and welcoming and i want them to know the emotional impact of this, say sorry that u talked to me when i wasnt my best self, hey if u meet me in person next year im usually not this disengaged. michal and 3 hours at the new office, i can get a job in australia for a gap year why the hell not, the radiant beam thru all of zapata and i actually love him sm but his email sat unread for a week. i feel overwhelmed w messaging ppl recently, i wrote in a hasty apology, and im not sure what to do about it. crystal put this well:

sometimes i end up ghosting the people i care most about because i want to reply Interestingly and Well to them. comparatively shooting off a yeah for sure to acquaintances requires less effort

ive been one foot in one foot out, not fully committing this moment to texting, half of my brain wishing i was doing sth nore productive. i see a notif from naman or audrey or janet i wanna give a thoughtful response to, and hey nows not the time for texting so I'll do it later when i can commit.

by default, i ghost some of the convos i want to have the most. idk what to do abt it, bc i am physically incapable of having every text convo i want to have. i have a limited supply of friendship to give and current demand is higher than supply available.

leave a msg for laura

i respect your emotional rawness. keep introspecting, maybe a little less inspirational quote posting...

msgs are anonymous. optionally leave ur name & discord (or other contact info) if u want me to respond